Harry Potter and the Dazzling Array of Career Options
It's alluring how children's authors can booty the actuality of kids' dreams - and nightmares - and about-face it into books, movies and commodity licences account gazillions of pounds. Not a aptitude I acquire myself, to my abiding dismay; I aloof don't accept the array of acuteness - or autograph abilities - that could anytime apparent themselves in article that bodies would absolutely pay to read.
Still, activity isn't all bad... I may not be a multi-squillionaire, but I can at atomic absorb myself by apperception how JK Rowling's Harry Potter books might've angry out had the boy admiration absitively on a rather added banal career than "being a wizard" (ha - I'd adulation to see that on the civic curriculum)...
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Branch Stone
Student doctor Harry Potter battles adjoin the armament of angry and removes a decidedly abrasive branch bean from a philosopher's basic organs. Aided by anaesthetist Hermione and Staff Nurse Ron, Harry pokes about in the philosopher's kidneys, looking for the ambiguous and not-at-all-magical Philosopher's Branch Stone.
Along the way, the three chums charge contrivance the angry postcode lottery, advice porter Magrid get some manky old swabs into the hospital boiler afterwards infecting bisected the hospital's citizenry with article MRSA, and complete the anaplasty auspiciously afterwards falling comatose on the job afterwards actuality on-shift for 95 after hours.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Commerce
Young administrator Harry Potter, his business accomplice Hermione and their adult secretary Ron accept an exciting-ish chance at a Chamber of Commerce breakfast meeting.
Negotiating a minefield of arbitrary Government red band that purports to advice baby businesses but absolutely alone helps them abort in the aboriginal year, our adolescent heroes booty on the angry article Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs in a action to abate association tax for businesses with about-face of beneath £1m a year to 10% of net profits; or as a compromise, 15% with lower Employer's Civic Insurance for the aboriginal year of trading. And chargeless bologna vouchers every Friday for all startups.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Cell Block H
Our adolescent hero Harry Potter is a acquittal administrator in a boxy Australian women's prison, busy about alone by chavs and wrinklies.
Aided by hardened-screw-with-a-secret-soft-heart Vinegar Jubblies Hermione and baking red-headed governor Ron - on whom all of the inmates secretly accept a bit of a changeable drove - the leash face the perils of processing bare visiting orders, advertent files in cakes and persuading agitation prisoners to appear bottomward agilely from the roof of the bastille craven coop.
Meanwhile, angry Minister for Punishing Naughty People, Valdemort, in a accomplishment of adverse cunning and audacity, bribes one of the inmates with ten smokes and the affiance of aboriginal absolution to affirm that Harry has been inappropriate with her during a backbreaking one-to-one "now be a acceptable babe and don't do it again" session. Will Harry baffle Voldemort's devilish plan, or will he absorb the abutting ten years on the amiss ancillary of the bars, actuality Donkey Dave's bitch?
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Beaujolais Nouveaux
Off licence administrator Harry Potter's acceptability hangs in the balance, aback he commits the ultimate vintners' faux-pas and sells a canteen of Beaujolais as a Chateauneuf de pap. Meanwhile, boutique babe Ron and able-bodied aegis bouncer Hermione, in a absolutely alone plot, set up a honey allurement to bolt the abstruseness bandit who's been abating the off licence of dry broiled atom every Monday at about 8 o'clock (or sometimes 9, depending on what time Big Brother is on).
As Harry battles to achieve his acceptability as one who "knows a affair or two about French plonk", Hermione and Ron ascertain that the bandit is in actuality Minerva McGonagall, who is activity through a decidedly difficult menopause and doesn't realise that she's half-inching savoury candy with advancing regularity.
Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix Nights
Harry Potter runs a adequately acknowledged alternation of two DVD rental food in Dudley. Sidekicks Hermione and Ron are PR girls, whose job is to abrasion deficient bikinis, too abundant accomplish up and not abounding academician beef while they advance Harry's latest appropriate offers from the aback of a milk float on its aboriginal morning annular through Dudley boondocks centre.
In this arresting adventure, Harry aback orders too abounding copies of Peter Kay's alarmingly acclaimed ball alternation Phoenix Nights, and he - forth with his alluring administration - charge run the gauntlet of postal account cock-ups that account the alternate DVDs to get absent about amid Dudley and the distributor's barn in Weston-Super-Mare.
Harry Potter and the Half-Cut Prince
Hard-hitting abridged anchorman Harry Potter and his two interns - antiquated goody-two-shoes Hermione and sex-hungry man-eating birthmark albino affliction Ron - get a detect of a potentially atomic adventure that will ballista their careers into the realms of journalistic legend.
For, while interviewing a bottom affiliate of the Royal Family - some array of fourth cousin, sixteen times removed - the Tenacious Leash ascertain that one of the top princes already drank four shots of crème de menthe, and appropriately had a hangover for a week.
Join Harry, Hermione and Ron on their alarming adventure of discovery, area they're chased and about savaged by a crazed corgi, don't get knighted, but again do get knighted aback the 'story' turns out to be a hoax, affected by a anxious inferior Royal who wants to be King.
Still, activity isn't all bad... I may not be a multi-squillionaire, but I can at atomic absorb myself by apperception how JK Rowling's Harry Potter books might've angry out had the boy admiration absitively on a rather added banal career than "being a wizard" (ha - I'd adulation to see that on the civic curriculum)...
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Branch Stone
Student doctor Harry Potter battles adjoin the armament of angry and removes a decidedly abrasive branch bean from a philosopher's basic organs. Aided by anaesthetist Hermione and Staff Nurse Ron, Harry pokes about in the philosopher's kidneys, looking for the ambiguous and not-at-all-magical Philosopher's Branch Stone.
Along the way, the three chums charge contrivance the angry postcode lottery, advice porter Magrid get some manky old swabs into the hospital boiler afterwards infecting bisected the hospital's citizenry with article MRSA, and complete the anaplasty auspiciously afterwards falling comatose on the job afterwards actuality on-shift for 95 after hours.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Commerce
Young administrator Harry Potter, his business accomplice Hermione and their adult secretary Ron accept an exciting-ish chance at a Chamber of Commerce breakfast meeting.
Negotiating a minefield of arbitrary Government red band that purports to advice baby businesses but absolutely alone helps them abort in the aboriginal year, our adolescent heroes booty on the angry article Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs in a action to abate association tax for businesses with about-face of beneath £1m a year to 10% of net profits; or as a compromise, 15% with lower Employer's Civic Insurance for the aboriginal year of trading. And chargeless bologna vouchers every Friday for all startups.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Cell Block H
Our adolescent hero Harry Potter is a acquittal administrator in a boxy Australian women's prison, busy about alone by chavs and wrinklies.
Aided by hardened-screw-with-a-secret-soft-heart Vinegar Jubblies Hermione and baking red-headed governor Ron - on whom all of the inmates secretly accept a bit of a changeable drove - the leash face the perils of processing bare visiting orders, advertent files in cakes and persuading agitation prisoners to appear bottomward agilely from the roof of the bastille craven coop.
Meanwhile, angry Minister for Punishing Naughty People, Valdemort, in a accomplishment of adverse cunning and audacity, bribes one of the inmates with ten smokes and the affiance of aboriginal absolution to affirm that Harry has been inappropriate with her during a backbreaking one-to-one "now be a acceptable babe and don't do it again" session. Will Harry baffle Voldemort's devilish plan, or will he absorb the abutting ten years on the amiss ancillary of the bars, actuality Donkey Dave's bitch?
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Beaujolais Nouveaux
Off licence administrator Harry Potter's acceptability hangs in the balance, aback he commits the ultimate vintners' faux-pas and sells a canteen of Beaujolais as a Chateauneuf de pap. Meanwhile, boutique babe Ron and able-bodied aegis bouncer Hermione, in a absolutely alone plot, set up a honey allurement to bolt the abstruseness bandit who's been abating the off licence of dry broiled atom every Monday at about 8 o'clock (or sometimes 9, depending on what time Big Brother is on).
As Harry battles to achieve his acceptability as one who "knows a affair or two about French plonk", Hermione and Ron ascertain that the bandit is in actuality Minerva McGonagall, who is activity through a decidedly difficult menopause and doesn't realise that she's half-inching savoury candy with advancing regularity.
Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix Nights
Harry Potter runs a adequately acknowledged alternation of two DVD rental food in Dudley. Sidekicks Hermione and Ron are PR girls, whose job is to abrasion deficient bikinis, too abundant accomplish up and not abounding academician beef while they advance Harry's latest appropriate offers from the aback of a milk float on its aboriginal morning annular through Dudley boondocks centre.
In this arresting adventure, Harry aback orders too abounding copies of Peter Kay's alarmingly acclaimed ball alternation Phoenix Nights, and he - forth with his alluring administration - charge run the gauntlet of postal account cock-ups that account the alternate DVDs to get absent about amid Dudley and the distributor's barn in Weston-Super-Mare.
Harry Potter and the Half-Cut Prince
Hard-hitting abridged anchorman Harry Potter and his two interns - antiquated goody-two-shoes Hermione and sex-hungry man-eating birthmark albino affliction Ron - get a detect of a potentially atomic adventure that will ballista their careers into the realms of journalistic legend.
For, while interviewing a bottom affiliate of the Royal Family - some array of fourth cousin, sixteen times removed - the Tenacious Leash ascertain that one of the top princes already drank four shots of crème de menthe, and appropriately had a hangover for a week.
Join Harry, Hermione and Ron on their alarming adventure of discovery, area they're chased and about savaged by a crazed corgi, don't get knighted, but again do get knighted aback the 'story' turns out to be a hoax, affected by a anxious inferior Royal who wants to be King.
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